He smiles a little at Stolas's joke, trying to picture the whole thing, but when Stolas finally says what's on his mind, Blitzo gets a deer in the headlight look on his face. This is it. It's an out, and an out they so desperately need if this is going to be more than sex...but it also means that Blitzo has to admit what he feels, or risk losing Stolas forever.
"I..."
Every instinct within him urges him to downplay any desire he might have to be with Stolas. When he'd do that before, though, he knew there would be some kind of follow up, some kind of interaction if only to confirm that he didn't have to sleep with him for another month.
"Look, Stolas...I don't mind fucking you."
Nope. That's not it. He doesn't want to give more, but he's backed into a corner and he has to do something if he doesn't want to lose everything. Sure, he wants more than just fucking, but he's like a dog chasing a car. He doesn't actually know what he'd do if he caught it.
"Fuck. I...whenever I get close to someone, I just fuck things up."
There. He's kind of admitting the problem even though talking about his feelings like this is about as painful as forcing himself to touch holy water.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-06-29 11:24 pm (UTC)"I..."
Every instinct within him urges him to downplay any desire he might have to be with Stolas. When he'd do that before, though, he knew there would be some kind of follow up, some kind of interaction if only to confirm that he didn't have to sleep with him for another month.
"Look, Stolas...I don't mind fucking you."
Nope. That's not it. He doesn't want to give more, but he's backed into a corner and he has to do something if he doesn't want to lose everything. Sure, he wants more than just fucking, but he's like a dog chasing a car. He doesn't actually know what he'd do if he caught it.
"Fuck. I...whenever I get close to someone, I just fuck things up."
There. He's kind of admitting the problem even though talking about his feelings like this is about as painful as forcing himself to touch holy water.