There was so many things that the goetia wanted to say, wanted to ask Blitzø but he found his mind empty of thought. It had been such a taxing day for the owl that he just simply laid in his hospital bed, basking in the little imp's presence for a peaceful moment. That was... nice. All he really wanted to do was pull the imp into his bed to use him as a living body pillow and rest there in silence. Though Blitzø might protest to being suddenly dragged down beside him. Instead, the great owl continued to brush his talon over the bumpy ridges of Blitzø's hand.
"Blitz... we're... good, aren't we?" Stolas found his voice, though it came out softer then he had intended.
"Yeah, we're good," he says, his voice cracking slightly.
He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know what he wants from Stolas anymore. On one hand, it hurts when he feels like Stolas only wants him for sex, when he saw Stolas hide his face at Ozzie's. On the other...having this be more than sex is terrifying.
"Look, Stolas, I..."
He what? He specifically wanted to avoid any deep emotional conversations, and yet...here he is.
There was a little sigh of relief. Of course they were okay. Blitzø said as much in the brief texts he sent. It was rather silly of him to ask. Right? Doesn't hurt to double check... So why didn't the imp's reply quiet the doubts that crept in the dark corners of his mind?
As the owl lay there, his idle thumb stopped as he stared unfocused at Blitzø’s claws. "When I think about it... I too have a hard time expressing myself... If I have done anything to hurt you, I want you to know that I am truly sorry. I would never want to do anything that would bring you harm."
As his words fade, Stolas releases his hold on the imp's hand, returning it to lay beside him on the bed.
He thinks of Stolas hiding behind the menu. Or all the things he was constantly saying, calling up with horny tirades and calling him his 'big dicked Blitzy' that just reinforced the idea that this is all just a sex thing. It's not entirely Stolas's fault, though. There's part of Blitzo that wants what they have to be more, but at the same time he's terrified of the idea that Stolas wants their relationship to be more, terrified of getting invested...terrified of getting hurt. Talking about what happened at Ozzie's will force everything out into the open, and it won't leave any room to pretend the Stolas doesn't want more.
"It's complicated. It's not your fault. I'm just a fucking mess."
"Blitz..." Stolas said cooly, the corners of his beak pulling up slightly. "Look at me. I'm in a hospital bed from a failed assassination attempt issued by my own wife. Hopefully soon to be ex-wife, but you get my point. They could write a T.V. drama about my life. I think I can understand 'messy'."
It's so easy to put Stolas up on a pedestal as this perfect being that's so far above him that he can never touch him, but Stolas is right. He's here right now, showing that he can get injured and bleed just like any other demon. And if Stolas isn't physically untouchable, he's probably not emotionally untouchable. If Blitzo stands by and doesn't confront his fears, he might lose Stolas.
"Honestly I just...I fuck up a lot of relationships in my life."
His sister. Verosika. Fizzarolli. The last two he got a harsh reminder of at Ozzie's, which is what set all of this off. Then it finally registers what exactly Stolas just told him.
Wait, did he just say 'relationship'? There was a small flicker in his eyes. Was he referring to them? Although, a relationship doesn’t always mean romantic. They could be platanic or familia ties. That small glimmer of hope was snuffed out as quickly as it came, leaving him feeling a bit foolish. There he goes again... getting caught in a moment.
Shifting in his bed, he glanced away from Blitzø to stare at his hand resting beside him.
"That's correct. Sleeping with you humiliated her enough to seek retribution. Striker could have easily killed me quick if he wanted but he told me she wanted to give me the 'royal' treatment." Stolas let's out a long sigh. "I can't wait until to divorce is finalized to be free of her."
Blitzo feels a mix of emotions in that moment. A sick feeling of horror realizing that if Striker hadn't been told to take things slow, he'd have been dead before Moxxie and Millie could get there. Guilt, knowing that if he hadn't seduced Stolas that first night then openly announced what they did, he might not have been in danger. One emotion quickly rose above the rest. Sheer unbridled fury that finally had a target to focus on now that he knows who hired Striker.
"What?! The fuck you are are! You are not going to wait for some bullshit divorce because I am going to fucking kill that bitch!"
"Wh-what?" Stolas snapped his head around so fast that he gave himself whiplash.
Did he just say what he thought he said? Oh no no no. Don't get him wrong, he would love to see Stella pay for what she has done. But did he realize the gravity of what he was implying?
"Blitz, calm down. You're not thinking straight. First of all, how do you intend on carrying out this task? Only Holy Artifacts can harm a goetia. Even I don't know how to acquire such a thing. And second, if you do manage to find such an impossibly rare artifact and pull it off, you would have the whole of goetia society hunting you down. There would be no more I.M.P. They would go after your friends, your Loona. Don't throw away your life for mine."
He'd been all ready to go, but the second Stolas mentions losing IMP and Loona being in danger, it makes him realize how serious the idea of going after Stella is.
"I mean, the Holy Artifact thing isn't an issue at all, but...yeah. I'm not going to put Loona in danger if I can help it."
And he can help it.
"Shit, this sucks!"
Knowing someone hurt Stolas and that he can't do anything back is going to drive him crazy, and he knows it.
"I guess I put you in danger seducing you on that first night and not being quiet about it, huh?"
The owl's eyes grew impossibly large. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? He had an Angelic Weapon? You simply can't drop that information on his lap and not elaborate on how he got his hands on one. Was it something he got from his cowboy friend, steal one? Or... was the prince not the only one the imp was levelering favors for. That thought struck him sick, not wanting to press on the matter. If Blitzø was making deals with others, he... rather not know about it.
Settling back in to his covers, Stolas exhaled softly, eyes drifting to the wall.
"Trust me, you are not the only one this infuriates. But Stella will face the consequences of her actions one of these days. It just won't be today. We need hard evidence that links her to my assassination. My word against hers won't get us very far." Sneaking a glance at Blitzø, Stolas creaked a small smile. "You act as if I played no part in your seduction. Your dick is dangerous for other reasons but I slept with you because I wanted to. A decision I would make again in a heartbeat."
"Oh yeah, we took it from Striker a while back. I thought it was a fluke that he managed to get that one, I can't imagine how he managed to get more."
No deals with others, although maybe he should have been a bit more concerned sooner when he knew Striker had gotten a holy weapon in the past. Also, he probably should have mentioned this to Stolas at some point. Oh well, too late to go back now. It's frustrating to hear he can't just do something about Stella, though, but mentioning that he'd sleep with Blitzo again in a heartbeat does seem to quell some of his anger, at least.
"Yeah, well, best to wait until you aren't hooked up to all of these machines. I don't know what all of this does and I don't want to knock anything loose if it's important."
There was a sense of relief hearing that Blitzø had stolen it from the little cowboy. So he was partly right with one of his hunches. Still... even if the imp had other deals in the works, how was he any different? It just brought to light how fragile their situation was. Temporary. He hated it.
But his heart monitor spiked again when the imp teased him with sex and again his head snapped around, his face touched by pink. It was hard if his words were in jest or if he was being serious. Both he was believe. However ever since their night at Ozzie's, the imp hasn't touched him intimately. Even though he has gone three long months without his warmth and he was starving for him, the goetia didn't want just sex. A fact he was trying to prove to Blitzø but pulling back, not pressuring him to come visit on the fullmoons. Each time when given an out... he took it. B-but you know, he's been busy so it's not blaming him or anything! If was feeling well, Stolas was sure he would have come. Or that was the lie he was selling himself. Point was, if Blitzø’s offer was serious, was it because he felt like he needed to uphold his half of their stupid arrangement or because he wanted? He didn't want that... Until Stolas severed their connection, he would never know for sure.
It had to be a joke and the prince's eyes softened.
"It would be a logistical nightmare roght now. Where would you hold onto with a broken leg, a broken arm, and multiple stab wounds? We would set off all the monitors making the staff think someone snuck in to finish the job." Stolas chuckled softly, his smile turned somber. "Blitz... you don't have to, you know. If it's in service for the use of my grimoire, you may keep it. You owe me nothing."
He smiles a little at Stolas's joke, trying to picture the whole thing, but when Stolas finally says what's on his mind, Blitzo gets a deer in the headlight look on his face. This is it. It's an out, and an out they so desperately need if this is going to be more than sex...but it also means that Blitzo has to admit what he feels, or risk losing Stolas forever.
"I..."
Every instinct within him urges him to downplay any desire he might have to be with Stolas. When he'd do that before, though, he knew there would be some kind of follow up, some kind of interaction if only to confirm that he didn't have to sleep with him for another month.
"Look, Stolas...I don't mind fucking you."
Nope. That's not it. He doesn't want to give more, but he's backed into a corner and he has to do something if he doesn't want to lose everything. Sure, he wants more than just fucking, but he's like a dog chasing a car. He doesn't actually know what he'd do if he caught it.
"Fuck. I...whenever I get close to someone, I just fuck things up."
There. He's kind of admitting the problem even though talking about his feelings like this is about as painful as forcing himself to touch holy water.
There was a brief glimmer of hope that sparked in his chest, only to be snuffed out a moment later. What was left of that sad smile on the goetia's face faded out completely as he stared up at Blitzø, the light dying in his eyes. So there it was... He was only good for one thing, sex. To which they haven't had in quite sometime. Was he done with him? Did he grow bored of him? Was there someone else?
Stolas could feel his heart seize in his chest, making it hard to breathe. Words felt odd on his tongue as he tried to think of what to say. What could he say? Fuck, he wanted to cry so badly but he bit down bitter tears. He couldn't even roll over to conceal his face even if he wanted to due to his broken arm. What seemed like an eternity the owl finally moved, retracting his good hand to cover his eyes.
"No I... I understand. I knew the arrangement to which we agreed to and I..." The thought trails off and Stolas sharply exhales, tone shifting. "I'm going to set things right. I just... need more time."
He sees the expression on Stolas's face when he admits why he was terrified, why he wasn't embracing the relationship they both wanted, and he panics. Stolas is crying, what does that mean? Has he finally realized Blitzo's too much of a disaster to waste his time with? Is this it, then? Was his effort to try and explain himself all for nothing? And 'setting things right' and 'need more time', what's that all about?
The palm of the owl’s palm grew wet from the tears he was so desperately trying to fight back. This is not how he wanted this encounter to go. He didn't mean for all these words to be said. He just... wanted to see Blitzø. But now he his hiding behind his hand.
Stolas’ mind wandered as images of their last night they spent together played like a movie reel. How perfect it all had felt... He could recall so vividly how the silvery moonlight shimmered against Blitzø’s naked form as it laid peacefully beside him. How he remembered the soft sounds of the imp's breathing, the warmth of his touch, the scent of his skin... If he had known then that it would have been the last time, he would have held on tighter.
Needing a moment to collect himself, Stolas breathed deeply before lowering his hand back down to the sheets. His cheeks were still damp as he scanned over the imp without explanation. One more look...
"I promise it will all make sense. I... I'm afraid I cannot say much more until I know for certain it will work. I don't want to get your hopes up."
The corners of his beak tugged up into a faint smile, quietly thinking on how much to reveal. What if he went to see Ozzie and wasn't able to acquire the crystals after promising to get them? He would hate to return empty handed and disappoint Blitzø. One way or another, he was going to settling things between them.
"To worry you isn't my intention. Hopefully it'll be a pleasant surprise." To have his freedom. To be unshackled from him... How that terrified the goetia to his core. Back to being alone. Stolas was too tired to fight back his fear as his one good hand began to tremble ever so slightly.
"Blitz... promise me the next time I ask to see you that you'll come."
Stolas says it'll be a pleasant surprise, and Blitzo hopes that's the case, but he has his doubts. Still, when Stolas asks him to promise to come next time he asks to see him, his mind goes to the fact that he didn't come when Stolas was taken by Striker, and he owes him this. Besides, he won't be able to stop being anxious about what this is all about until it's all resolved.
Hearing the promise eased the owl somewhat and he relaxed back into the pillow. Good. This was important. Hopefully soon he would have the answers to give Blitzø. Give them both some closure on the his chapter between them, however things may turn.
"Thank you..." A small tired smile crept back on his face. "... for coming to see me that is. It was nice to see you, even if it was for a little bit."
"What? Miserable? Oh Satan, no. I cherish the time we spend together."
Not a lie. What was the alternative? Being alone in that massive palace. Sure, he had Via when his harpy of a wife didn't steal her away just to make him suffer. Blitzø was... he made him get out to see places of Hell he never dared to go. Went to the surface even! And even now, as his heart was breaking...
"I just wish it was under better circumstances..."
The talking, though...sure, Stolas might say he enjoys their time together, but...well, look at how shit this conversation went. And their time at Ozzie's.
"...I just meant...I mean, you were just..."
Crying. Stolas was crying because Blitzo made him feel worse than all his injuries did.
Another full moon came and went before the prince was released from the hospital. After the incident, Stolas had heard nothing from Blitzø. Not that he tried to reach out to him during his stay, aside from sending him a quickie upon his release day. Other than that, the owl kept radio silent. For one, the imp was a busy man and he did come to see him once. And second, apart of him feared that he would lose his nerve on what had to be done. It felt like time was crawling as the deal with Ozzie drew near.
The night before the second full moon finally arrived marking his appointment with the Denzin of Lust. If all goes well, he would be able to text Blitzø the next day to met up. It had been forever since they shared their special evenings together. Little did the goeita know that the next 24 hours were going to be nothing like he expected.
A deal had been struck.
Returning the next evening back to his palace the first things Stolas did was place the small velvet drawstring pouch on his nightstand before bee-lining to the shower. His finery and feathers were a mess. Soaking in the tub until his talons even pruned, the goetia crawled out to dry himself avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. Heading back to his room he pulled out something nice to wear as he reached for his Hellphone to send Blitzø a text.
Good evening Blitz. Sorry for the late notice but I'm ready to make good on that promise. If you can, please come tonight.
That's his only response before he gets the book and heads to Stolas, but that's a pretty typical Blitzo text. He's nervous, wondering what Stolas could want. He knows after everything they'd talked about, it's probably not the usual 'deal with the book', but he's wondering what this will be. It's not long before Blitzo shows up, climbing up to the balcony with the book clenched in his teeth because he's Blitzo and he can't just use the door like a normal person.
Right about the time Blitzø was crawling up the balcony, he could see Stolas through the stained glass window. The great owl was perched on the edge of his bed with his head bowed to stare into his lap. But hearing claws skittering over stone, the goetia snapped to attention. Seeing a flash of red flopped over the railing Stolas stood up to open the glass doors.
"Always with the grand entrances." Stolas said with a small chuckling hoot. "Thank you for coming on such short notice. Uhm... Please, come in. Take a seat."
Stepping to one side, Stolas gave Blitz a wide berth as he gestured to the long couch by his bookshelves.
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"Blitz... we're... good, aren't we?" Stolas found his voice, though it came out softer then he had intended.
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"Yeah, we're good," he says, his voice cracking slightly.
He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know what he wants from Stolas anymore. On one hand, it hurts when he feels like Stolas only wants him for sex, when he saw Stolas hide his face at Ozzie's. On the other...having this be more than sex is terrifying.
"Look, Stolas, I..."
He what? He specifically wanted to avoid any deep emotional conversations, and yet...here he is.
"I'm not really good at emotional shit."
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As the owl lay there, his idle thumb stopped as he stared unfocused at Blitzø’s claws. "When I think about it... I too have a hard time expressing myself... If I have done anything to hurt you, I want you to know that I am truly sorry. I would never want to do anything that would bring you harm."
As his words fade, Stolas releases his hold on the imp's hand, returning it to lay beside him on the bed.
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"It's complicated. It's not your fault. I'm just a fucking mess."
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It's so easy to put Stolas up on a pedestal as this perfect being that's so far above him that he can never touch him, but Stolas is right. He's here right now, showing that he can get injured and bleed just like any other demon. And if Stolas isn't physically untouchable, he's probably not emotionally untouchable. If Blitzo stands by and doesn't confront his fears, he might lose Stolas.
"Honestly I just...I fuck up a lot of relationships in my life."
His sister. Verosika. Fizzarolli. The last two he got a harsh reminder of at Ozzie's, which is what set all of this off. Then it finally registers what exactly Stolas just told him.
"Wait. Your wife was the one that hired him?"
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Shifting in his bed, he glanced away from Blitzø to stare at his hand resting beside him.
"That's correct. Sleeping with you humiliated her enough to seek retribution. Striker could have easily killed me quick if he wanted but he told me she wanted to give me the 'royal' treatment." Stolas let's out a long sigh. "I can't wait until to divorce is finalized to be free of her."
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"What?! The fuck you are are! You are not going to wait for some bullshit divorce because I am going to fucking kill that bitch!"
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Did he just say what he thought he said? Oh no no no. Don't get him wrong, he would love to see Stella pay for what she has done. But did he realize the gravity of what he was implying?
"Blitz, calm down. You're not thinking straight. First of all, how do you intend on carrying out this task? Only Holy Artifacts can harm a goetia. Even I don't know how to acquire such a thing. And second, if you do manage to find such an impossibly rare artifact and pull it off, you would have the whole of goetia society hunting you down. There would be no more I.M.P. They would go after your friends, your Loona. Don't throw away your life for mine."
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He'd been all ready to go, but the second Stolas mentions losing IMP and Loona being in danger, it makes him realize how serious the idea of going after Stella is.
"I mean, the Holy Artifact thing isn't an issue at all, but...yeah. I'm not going to put Loona in danger if I can help it."
And he can help it.
"Shit, this sucks!"
Knowing someone hurt Stolas and that he can't do anything back is going to drive him crazy, and he knows it.
"I guess I put you in danger seducing you on that first night and not being quiet about it, huh?"
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The owl's eyes grew impossibly large. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? He had an Angelic Weapon? You simply can't drop that information on his lap and not elaborate on how he got his hands on one. Was it something he got from his cowboy friend, steal one? Or... was the prince not the only one the imp was levelering favors for. That thought struck him sick, not wanting to press on the matter. If Blitzø was making deals with others, he... rather not know about it.
Settling back in to his covers, Stolas exhaled softly, eyes drifting to the wall.
"Trust me, you are not the only one this infuriates. But Stella will face the consequences of her actions one of these days. It just won't be today. We need hard evidence that links her to my assassination. My word against hers won't get us very far." Sneaking a glance at Blitzø, Stolas creaked a small smile. "You act as if I played no part in your seduction. Your dick is dangerous for other reasons but I slept with you because I wanted to. A decision I would make again in a heartbeat."
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No deals with others, although maybe he should have been a bit more concerned sooner when he knew Striker had gotten a holy weapon in the past. Also, he probably should have mentioned this to Stolas at some point. Oh well, too late to go back now. It's frustrating to hear he can't just do something about Stella, though, but mentioning that he'd sleep with Blitzo again in a heartbeat does seem to quell some of his anger, at least.
"Yeah, well, best to wait until you aren't hooked up to all of these machines. I don't know what all of this does and I don't want to knock anything loose if it's important."
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But his heart monitor spiked again when the imp teased him with sex and again his head snapped around, his face touched by pink. It was hard if his words were in jest or if he was being serious. Both he was believe. However ever since their night at Ozzie's, the imp hasn't touched him intimately. Even though he has gone three long months without his warmth and he was starving for him, the goetia didn't want just sex. A fact he was trying to prove to Blitzø but pulling back, not pressuring him to come visit on the fullmoons. Each time when given an out... he took it. B-but you know, he's been busy so it's not blaming him or anything! If was feeling well, Stolas was sure he would have come.
Or that was the lie he was selling himself.Point was, if Blitzø’s offer was serious, was it because he felt like he needed to uphold his half of their stupid arrangement or because he wanted? He didn't want that... Until Stolas severed their connection, he would never know for sure.It had to be a joke and the prince's eyes softened.
"It would be a logistical nightmare roght now. Where would you hold onto with a broken leg, a broken arm, and multiple stab wounds? We would set off all the monitors making the staff think someone snuck in to finish the job." Stolas chuckled softly, his smile turned somber. "Blitz... you don't have to, you know. If it's in service for the use of my grimoire, you may keep it. You owe me nothing."
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"I..."
Every instinct within him urges him to downplay any desire he might have to be with Stolas. When he'd do that before, though, he knew there would be some kind of follow up, some kind of interaction if only to confirm that he didn't have to sleep with him for another month.
"Look, Stolas...I don't mind fucking you."
Nope. That's not it. He doesn't want to give more, but he's backed into a corner and he has to do something if he doesn't want to lose everything. Sure, he wants more than just fucking, but he's like a dog chasing a car. He doesn't actually know what he'd do if he caught it.
"Fuck. I...whenever I get close to someone, I just fuck things up."
There. He's kind of admitting the problem even though talking about his feelings like this is about as painful as forcing himself to touch holy water.
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Was he done with him? Did he grow bored of him? Was there someone else?Stolas could feel his heart seize in his chest, making it hard to breathe. Words felt odd on his tongue as he tried to think of what to say. What could he say? Fuck, he wanted to cry so badly but he bit down bitter tears. He couldn't even roll over to conceal his face even if he wanted to due to his broken arm. What seemed like an eternity the owl finally moved, retracting his good hand to cover his eyes.
"No I... I understand. I knew the arrangement to which we agreed to and I..." The thought trails off and Stolas sharply exhales, tone shifting. "I'm going to set things right. I just... need more time."
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"What...what do you mean, Stolas?"
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Stolas’ mind wandered as images of their last night they spent together played like a movie reel. How perfect it all had felt... He could recall so vividly how the silvery moonlight shimmered against Blitzø’s naked form as it laid peacefully beside him. How he remembered the soft sounds of the imp's breathing, the warmth of his touch, the scent of his skin... If he had known then that it would have been the last time, he would have held on tighter.
Needing a moment to collect himself, Stolas breathed deeply before lowering his hand back down to the sheets. His cheeks were still damp as he scanned over the imp without explanation. One more look...
"I promise it will all make sense. I... I'm afraid I cannot say much more until I know for certain it will work. I don't want to get your hopes up."
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"Get my hopes up? What...Stolas, you're worrying me."
Mostly because if this was going in the way he'd intended it to go, Stolas wouldn't be this upset about it.
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"To worry you isn't my intention. Hopefully it'll be a pleasant surprise." To have his freedom. To be unshackled from him... How that terrified the goetia to his core. Back to being alone. Stolas was too tired to fight back his fear as his one good hand began to tremble ever so slightly.
"Blitz... promise me the next time I ask to see you that you'll come."
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"Okay. Yeah. I'll come."
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"Thank you..." A small tired smile crept back on his face. "... for coming to see me that is. It was nice to see you, even if it was for a little bit."
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He literally made Stolas cry when he's already injured. It makes him feel like crap realizing that.
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Not a lie. What was the alternative? Being alone in that massive palace. Sure, he had Via when his harpy of a wife didn't steal her away just to make him suffer. Blitzø was... he made him get out to see places of Hell he never dared to go. Went to the surface even! And even now, as his heart was breaking...
"I just wish it was under better circumstances..."
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The talking, though...sure, Stolas might say he enjoys their time together, but...well, look at how shit this conversation went. And their time at Ozzie's.
"...I just meant...I mean, you were just..."
Crying. Stolas was crying because Blitzo made him feel worse than all his injuries did.
"Anyway, uh...guess I'll see you soon."
Time Skip~
The night before the second full moon finally arrived marking his appointment with the Denzin of Lust. If all goes well, he would be able to text Blitzø the next day to met up. It had been forever since they shared their special evenings together. Little did the goeita know that the next 24 hours were going to be nothing like he expected.
A deal had been struck.
Returning the next evening back to his palace the first things Stolas did was place the small velvet drawstring pouch on his nightstand before bee-lining to the shower. His finery and feathers were a mess. Soaking in the tub until his talons even pruned, the goetia crawled out to dry himself avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. Heading back to his room he pulled out something nice to wear as he reached for his Hellphone to send Blitzø a text.
Good evening Blitz. Sorry for the late notice but I'm ready to make good on that promise. If you can, please come tonight.
And bring my grimoire.
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That's his only response before he gets the book and heads to Stolas, but that's a pretty typical Blitzo text. He's nervous, wondering what Stolas could want. He knows after everything they'd talked about, it's probably not the usual 'deal with the book', but he's wondering what this will be. It's not long before Blitzo shows up, climbing up to the balcony with the book clenched in his teeth because he's Blitzo and he can't just use the door like a normal person.
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"Always with the grand entrances." Stolas said with a small chuckling hoot. "Thank you for coming on such short notice. Uhm... Please, come in. Take a seat."
Stepping to one side, Stolas gave Blitz a wide berth as he gestured to the long couch by his bookshelves.
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"So...uh...what's this all about?"